“Cheap date for hire!”

So…I’ve tried meeting people through friends, meeting up with guys from online dating (and finding they look nothing like their profile picture), and speed-dating just landed me a bunch of smelly or old guys – why do these things always work for my friends and not for me!?

I had a brainwave the other week though, just before I headed out for what became my last speed-dating experience. I was reading the newspaper when Mary stopped by with a half-naked man in tow.

Now, to know Mary is to know that this is nothing out of the ordinary, but she then told him to “get to work”. I was a little worried by what she meant until he got down on his hands and knees and started scrubbing the kitchen floor. Mary then got out the bubbles and we sat there watching this totally hot guy cleaning my apartment. Awesome!

Mary told me she ordered him on hirethings.co.nz – you really can find anything on there it seems! She then asked me if I wanted him to get rid of my cobwebs while he was at it! With Mary, innuendo is never accidental.

Then, I had an inspired thought. I turned to Mary and said “Why don’t I put myself on hirethings.co.nz?”. It might seem like a desperate measure, but at this point I don’t know what else to do. Besides, who reads the personal ads in newspapers these days anyway? It’s only fun if you’re drunk! Or, so I’ve heard…

Alice xoxo

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